Sunday, October 17, 2010
I'm sooooo much into heels now. I need my fat short legs to grow and illusion ppl that they are long. Hahahaha
I just bought a new heel online. First time shopping online! So fun and excited! Now awaiting shipment and all that for a month. =( So long lor....
Junhao dun allow me wear 13cm heel shoes. AHAHAHA. He say i will be taller than him so he rather me buy 9cm de. Mehh~
I've been so indecisive on what shoe height to purchase cause 13 cm look so much nicer. However its steeper and i cannot stand too steep heels cause my legs will ache the entire day. 9cm, of coz not that nice looking and i will still look short, however, is more confortable cause the steepness is only 7cm diff.
Anyway, im so excited for my stock to arrive! Hope it doesnt go out of stock.
Assignments and assignments. Holidays are meant for rest and not assignments! Yet i have assignments for the entire holiday even till now(last day of holiday) still choinging assignments. I bet the rest of my classmates have almost finish theirs.
Gambatte to myself.
One more thing, school sucks.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I keep telling myself not to bother. Keep telling myself its nothing anyway. When people don't treat you the way you treat them, don't bother caring about them.
Sometimes i just hope i never knew those people. I will avoid as much as possible, they're not worth my time.
Why are some people like that? Seriously, making yourself look pitiful makes you want the world go your way? For heaven sake, look at how many millions of unfortunate people hoping that the world take notice of them and help them.
You? Yea, consider yourself lucky enough to be surviving well. Don't expect everyone to go along with you.
Your misfortune is nothing.
You think only you yourself have those thoughts? If you never want to say anything out, why even bother telling people you are not going to say it out? Attention much, no?
Every status regarding things that people already know makes you an attention seeker. Uh, we're not idiots. We don't need your status to let us seek 'light'. And uh, we don't gain much knowledge from them too.
If i had the chance to choose whether i want to meet you in life, well no.
Not to let myself suffer.
When you are safe, you don't care about others.
How true is that in reality?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sometimes when my heart really cannot take it anymore, i'll need something to hold onto. To prevent it from sinking further, and hurt myself.
Sometimes, humans can be so selfish. An unreasonable amount. They care only about themselves.
They think its ok. Yea?
Yea. Only for them alone.
Sometimes when things gets above the line, be alittle more sensitive.
When its over the line, have some common sense and stop.
Uncontrollable state. Made me came back to blog out. I dun have twitter, neither plurk. so blogger is my only way out.
Sometimes, blogging is your only best fren. Blogging comes into life partially, when nobody understands me at all.
Stressing out over assignments. These few weeks have been crazily busy. I have to force myself to get into work when im in the most reluctant mood.
Come on, its holidays! Cut me some slack man. Seriously.
Is this the life i really wan? I keep regretting the choices i made certain times in life.
Refresh, refresh. How i wish a refresh button is available when things goes wrong.
Grr. Fuck assignments.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Concert had finally come to an end!
However, i am still very disturbed with the ending - Viva Rock. It should be a very beautiful full-stop to the concert, however, pretty much due to the volume, the whole damn song is screwed!
Nvm, its over.
Hais, i kinda miss the times where i get to put my legs on the auditorium sofa while watching daikoreans practising upstage, or lighting crew adjusting their lights. I miss those moments where i get to snuggle in the seats covered with my jacket, while daikoreans walk about and doing their stuff to keep the rehearsals going. I miss having treated KOI bubble tea by alumnis and every daikorean get to drink. We haven actually get to thank them for their little treats! I fell in love with KOI bubble tea, i mean it. I also miss having to paint the flags as well as teh-ping(taping) the stage. Hahahaha...
That plain few days just made me feel like auditorium is another daiko clubroom, only bigger! I miss those times where we simply treated auditorium like our home.
Its over. Mummy and sis and her bf and jh came to watch our concert. My sis and mummy dun really appreciate daiko arts, so they might not enjoy that much. Jh pretty much could appreciate some. I just hope this years daiko concert gave everyone who came a very memorable time with us. The whole thing was added with so much sweat and heart from our lovely daikoreans. Pls do appreciate =)
I'm left with last few days of holidays. IT WAS SO SHORT! First week was spent on daiko rehearsals! And now its going to school reopen. Eff sia, i hate school! I have having to face codes and more codes everyday, and knowing that a pile of assignments are drawing near. AHHH! -stab stab stab-
Still very bothered with my photography assignment. Seriously photography assigments are really going to make me hate photography. I HATE PHOTOGRAPHY! Anyone? Interested to act emo and let me take a few pictures? D=
It bloody cold now and i have got no idea wad to post and my fingers are going to freeze.
I just hope i can fully enjoy the rest of the holidays with jh and my daiko. And whoever miss me alot and wants to jio me out. Feel free to do so.
I just wanna play my heart out this few days. =)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Just got back from a full day rehearsal from 10 am to 10 pm... Walan shag sia... so sleepy now...
Tmr still got training.. D= -Stabs myself repeatedly-
Tired still wan blog is because sth happen and i got the urge to blog it out.
Oh yes, today i had a deja vu.. Like a particular moment happened as though it happened in the past b4. It was when the ojime fell from the stand and the moment i help carry up to the stage, the dejavu feeling came to me.. I stood there for a few seconds thinking y does the falling of ojime and the reactions of daikoreans look so familiar.. As though i once dream of it b4 or sth.. D= Damn creepy! My god.
It was so long, so so long, that i had people commenting on my nose.
You know wad, when i was in primary school, you know how childish primary school were, when i was quarrelling with a group of frens, they had commented harshly on how i look before. It was so harsh, that it affected my entire life. It made me think that everybody thought it that way.
They laughed at my nose. They said harsh words like how my nose looked funny, identical to a pig. It was pretty damaging to my entire life. Once that was said, i had a period of my childhood looking at the floor when i was walking. Wherever i go, i will keep lookin at the ground, thinking i look horrendous in peoples eyes. That im not pretty. That i have a pig nose.
Other things that made me had low self-esteem was people commenting on my teeth.
Since very young, i had people saying how flat my nose were when i was born. I remember very clearly how my grandfather keep teasing at my nose before while he pressed on it. I never like people lookin into my eyes, nor looking at me. I avoid as much as i could in the past. I became very self conscious, thinking whenever they look at me, deep down they are laughing at my nose. Even until now, i did not like people looking at me. Thats how i got my phobia in presentation. Even in daily life, i dislike walking into mrt or bus with so many people staring at u while u enter. I still hate taking transport, to the extend that i rather choose a lousy school but a walking distance than going to a better school that is just 1 stop away.
I always laugh at myself when people say that im pretty. I never actually believe that. I learnt to be self conscious since young. I hated how people comment on my looks. I even hate people pointing out about my nose. Today a person just did. And it made me realised it has been years since i have people commenting and made me realised how low self esteem i was in the past. Going into crowds was a torture. Now still does, but it just keeps reminding me that i have a ugly nose that made everything in me ugly. I din no how to react, for a moment it brought me back to primary school days. I still remember the scene when that classmates of mine commented on my nose. It changed my life.
Since secondary, hardly anybody comment about my nose. So i was more confident, maybe because i've forgotten and nobody drill the fact that my nose is ugly.
Mr Robin had once remarked that im a confident person after my trial speech. He said i was confident. I replied Huh, no im not. He said "You think you're not. But you are confident." Again, i was laughing, at myself.
I've been thru so many experiences on how people laugh at my physical appearance. Secondary school also have. IT WAS THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES that made me so freaking ashame of myself and my body. They only no how to talk shit. They never actually think about how much people are hurt because of everything they did and say.
I hate my nose.
And also everything about myself. =(